The Burden Behind the Strength: What We Owe Men

Every November 19, we pause to celebrate men; their achievements, their kindness, their strength. I believe they deserve that, but not without honesty about the nearly invisible weight many carry.

Men often carry heavy expectations that go largely unnoticed, and those pressures take a toll on their lives, health, and well-being.

Globally, men live shorter lives than women. According to research by the OECD, men’s average life expectancy at birth in 2023 was 78.5 years, compared to 83.7 years for women. External causes, including accidents, violence, and suicide, are among the leading contributors to premature death in men. Suicide rates in OECD countries are two to eight times higher for men than for women, reflecting not only mental health challenges but also the societal pressures men face.

In Ghana, research titled “Sex‑related inequalities in crude and age-standardized suicide rates: trends in Ghana from 2000 to 2019” found that men’s suicide rates were consistently higher than women’s over two decades. These statistics are not just numbers; they are reflections of the social and cultural scripts imposed on men from childhood.

Society often defines a “real man” as a provider, protector, and authority figure. Men are expected to succeed professionally, earn enough to support a family, and maintain emotional strength no matter the circumstances. Fathers are often seen as disciplinarians; children are warned, “Wait until your dad comes home,” reinforcing an idea that masculinity is tied to authority and fear. Men are rarely encouraged to express vulnerability openly, seek help for mental health issues, or share domestic responsibilities equally.

These pressures manifest in multiple ways. Some men experience emotional suppression, which lead to stress, depression, and isolation. Others internalize failure as shame, seeing any shortfall in provision or control as a personal defect. Studies, including one by the European Institute for Gender Equality titled “Gendered Differences in Premature Mortality”, indicate that men’s higher mortality rates are linked to risk-taking behaviors, reluctance to seek help, and adherence to restrictive social expectations about what a man “should” be.

Men’s lives are also affected by expectations around financial provision. Economic disempowerment or unemployment can trigger frustration, aggression, or even illegal behaviors, according to research published in BMC Public Health on the effects of economic stress on male behaviors. Deviant behaviors motivated by monetary pressures, such as theft, fraud, or robbery, are sometimes understood as consequences of the pressure to live up to the “provider” standard.

Society’s focus on men as protectors and disciplinarians can also encourage harmful norms. Violence is often normalized as an extension of authority or strength. Fathers are expected to command respect, sometimes through fear, leaving little room for nurturing or empathy. These roles are internalized early and persist into adulthood, contributing to strained relationships and emotional isolation.

Take the story of Daniel, a 35-year-old banker, who juggles work, family, and societal expectations. Daniel feels compelled to excel at his job, maintain financial stability, and remain emotionally unshakable, all while supporting his children and being a role model. He cannot show weakness at work, nor can he openly express anxiety or fear at home. “If I admit I’m struggling, I feel like I’m failing as a man,” he confesses.

Daniel’s experience is far from unique, it mirrors the lives of countless men who navigate similar pressures quietly, often at the expense of their mental and physical health.

The repercussions are visible in mortality statistics. According to research by OECD in Health at a Glance 2025, men are far more likely than women to die from accidents, substance abuse, or suicide outcomes tied to societal norms that promote stoicism and risk-taking while discouraging help-seeking. Another study titled “Excess Mortality of Males Due to Malignant Lung Cancer in OECD Countries” found that men’s higher mortality from preventable diseases is connected to behaviors influenced by traditional masculinity, such as smoking and occupational hazards.

International Men’s Day offers an opportunity to recognize these pressures. To support men effectively, society must broaden its definition of masculinity, value emotional expression, and challenge the notion that being a man requires invulnerability, financial perfection, or absolute control.

Men like Daniel, and countless others, live under the weight of expectation daily. They rise early, provide tirelessly, discipline firmly, and conceal their vulnerabilities. On this International Men’s Day, celebrating men must mean more than recognition of accomplishments. It must also mean acknowledgment of pressures, compassion for the challenges they face, and a commitment to redefining what it truly means to be a man; one that values care, connection, and humanity over rigid ideals.